So I know that my blog isn’t about celebrity criminal cases, but as a self-proclaimed feminist, and have written about feminist issues before, I can’t let this go. I have read and heard the MOST tomfoolery about Cosby in his defense and I can’t with his supporters, I can’t. I’ve taken on this new mentality that I don’t want to react to people, but some of the theories and defenses I’ve seen are too much. I know that our elders didn’t get hosed for this. The NBC argument…you have to stop. It’s true, Cosby did try to get a group of investors together to buy NBC, but this was YEARS ago. Also, do you really know how much NBC costs? Re: my Google search (sorry I don’t know the CEO of NBC), it’s upwards of $30 billion dollars?!?!? You think that Bill has that scrilla to drop? Stop it. I’ve heard people compare Cosby to the death of Tamir Rice and Obama being called a Muslim! A lot of these people sound like Tea Partiers now. This post is not meant to debate whether he is innocent or guilty, but some of the responses and principles I’ve seen can be addressed in the below books. Think what you want to think, but I’ve compiled a list of reading materials for Cosby supporters that may be beneficial:
- Hush: Moving From Silence to Healing After Childhood Sexual Abuse – Of course, the women who are accusing Cosby are not children, but I’ve seen several counts of people wondering why they didn’t come forward when the assault first happened or opinions of what THEY would do when they were raped. Newsflash, people who are raped (men and women) react in different ways, there is no one RIGHT way to act when it happens to you. I was surprised to see self-admitted victims of rape dismiss the allegations because that was not how they reacted when they were raped.
- Asking For It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture and What We Can Do About It – Bill Cosby has 50+ accusers saying that he raped, sexually violated, or assaulted them in some way. While I understand that “just believing” the allegations can be dangerous, this says a lot about our rape culture in the US. Often, we point the finger at the drunk (or drugged) person saying they shouldn’t have had that much or shouldn’t have done that. Or, we think they’re simply lying. This has to stop, and it comes from a culture of overall disrespect for people who aren’t “wholesome.” It’s okay to rape a “whore,” if she was drunk “that’s her fault.” We live in this obtuse society that thinks it’s okay to attack people “lesser than,” and it’s got to stop. It’s not about what we can assume the women “knew what to expect” due to their meetings with Cosby. The slut shaming rebuttal is harmful and dismissive of something that’s serious.
- Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Should Matter – Honestly, I have a love-hate relationship with this book. While I think it’s educational and important, some of her opinions seem that you’re stupid or misinformed if you stray from her own. Some of them are downright radical. Well too bad, I’m old(er), no one is going to tell me what my feminism should be, but she has several good points about the patriarchy in America and what we can do to combat it. It has several points that reveal how we’ve come to this society and have certain perceptions of women and equality, and I think it’s a valuable resource. But remember, feminism, like so many things, is not cut and dry, this is her take on it. This plays into the notions of how women should act and their lack of being “upstanding” women, allowing themselves to be taken advantage of by Cosby, and also discusses power of the patriarchy and why he’s never been charged until now.
- If I Did It: Confessions of a Killer: Look, I know that murder and rape are completely different, but I think these cases are VERY similar because when OJ went to trial, there was a call for black people getting the “good” end of the law as white people did. I can’t lie, I was in middle school and they played the trial, and the black kids cheered when OJ was acquitted. We KNEW he did it, we didn’t care though because we’ve seen black people get the short end of the stick SO many times. But as an adult, I look back on it and know that it wasn’t right, it was a fantasy. We look at grim situations of black men and women in society and we think, that just ONE time, we should win. But this isn’t an excuse to uphold crime, or predation. This is not a time we have to win.
So, whether you are a Cosby supporter or not, please at least observe the facts and how this is psychologically rooted, and what principles come into play. It’s not black and white, cut and dry. This isn’t a case of being woke or listening to hearsay about a beloved black celebrity (look, I still believe MJ didn’t do it and there have been several things that have come up to support that, especially his psych profile, if they do the same for Cosby, I’ll wholeheartedly apologize. From what I’ve read/seen, Cosby has the PERFECT profile for a rape predator, though. It is what it is.). Sometimes, you just have to accept that someone ain’t shit, allegedly.
xoxo
questfortheperfectcurl.com 
Most “supporters” are actually ppl who see the many many HOLES in many of these stories of alleged rape. Sure, there is no one characteristic that defines a rape victim, BUT when you have stories of women WILLINGLY returning to said rapist, accepting monies, traveling and living with said married rapist…well, one has to wonder who is interpreting the meaning of rape and how many meanings does rape have. As a victim/survivor of childhood rape and abuse by family members and others, I have no sympathy for anyone committing such diabolic acts. In fact, it took me a YEAR to report a DOCTOR for molesting me and I was over 40! So I have no delusions about how victims process information. However, many of these stories don’t hold water. Does this mean I believe Bill is innocent? NO! I always felt the 2004 case had credibility. However, there is a blatant double standard happening to Bill that goes above and beyond calling out an alleged rapist. No other man on earth has ever had to face a MILLION dollar bond based on the story of ONE victim who was already paid off. Bill made his bed. He has to sleep on it. But he should still be afforded the same rights under the judicial system as his white counterparts, and he is not.
Thank you for posting this! Many people do not understand what rape is. When people think of rape, they think of an ugly deranged man who pops out of an alley and brutally attacks and rapes a woman, then leaves her for dead. Rape usually happens between two people who know each other (male and female). It is also not easy to report a rape; in fact it is incredible difficult. Yes we have laws, but we also have people who can manipulate the situation. There is also the blaming the victim mentality in our culture too when it comes to rape (she should not have worn that, he shouldn’t have known better, etc). At the time Bill Cosby was making a lot of money for a lot of people and I am sure he was very protected. There is no way anyone would want that cash cow to have a ruined reputation. If any of these women did say something at the time, their life would have been ruined. It’s one thing to have a person go after you, but try having a billion dollar community and an entire community trying to discredit and destroy you. This man has serious issues as he could have had any woman he wanted without drugging them. He really needs to be put away.
Someone said to me that if they willingly took the drugs that excuses him from it being rape. I had to stop talking to them because I was going to go off. People think that rape is a blatantly evil and aggressive act, you should have bruises, etc. It scares me because I fear for how they treat people or if they think that if a woman goes to see a man at night and drinks/does drugs with him, she should be expecting sex. It makes NO sense.
I agree that the rape culture in the country is ridiculous and I am not saying that Bill Cosby is innocent or guilty I am just looking at the nature of America herself. Emmitt Till, a fourteen year old boy, was murdered in cold blood for allegedly whistling at a white woman. Had Bill Cosby truly raped even the first victim that came forward a couple of decades ago, Bill Cosby would have been thrown under the jail and mysteriously committed suicide while in jail. Think about it. Bill Cosby is being accused of raping, not one or two, but DOZENS of WHITE women…
He has black accusers as well. And Till was in the 50s and Cosby is/was a prominent entertainment figure that has the resources to avoid such a fate. In the case he’s getting charged with now, she DID go to the cops initially and they dismissed the case due to lack of evidence. But again, the books I cite are not about proving his guilt vs. innocence. They’re shedding light on the psychology and principles behind defenses of him. It’s not meant to change any opinions but I hope people take them into account when they think about it.
I understand because these are the same issues that come up during rape cases on college campuses across the country. The biggest issue is accountability. When will people be held accountable for violating another person’s right to be? No one asks to be raped or drugged. And for the true victims, i applaud their bravery in coming forward but it’s the women who are lying or falsifying facts that shed a negative light on those who truly were victims. When accusers fabricate information in the hopes of ‘getting justice by any means’ it damages ALL of us, it reduces ALL of us to the stereotype of lying, angry, bitter, jaded women (and men). This is where we need to start teaching accountability and responsibility for one’s actions. No means No and a violation of that warrants and deserves heavy consequences. Not just for some – for all who perpetrate the violation.
I don’t disagree with that. In cases of rape there is actually a very low percentage of false accusers but in all honestly I’m not sure if I believe ALL of these women. But again, my post is about education and principles, not the state of the system. Some people think he’s innocent, some people don’t know, some people think he’s guilty. My intention is not to make something “right” but to address some of the ludicrous defenses I have seen. For instance, I find it laughable in the most non-humorous way that some people say, “They’re lying, if I was raped I would report it immediately.” It’s not like that. There is a huge lack a empathy in the perceptions of this case (and several other cases) that I wanted to share reading material that shed light on those perceptions. I don’t need to tout my disapproval of Cosby, the media and plenty of other people already have done that. I wanted to bring something different to the table.
I don’t engage in Social Media that much so I don’t get to read comments from all the apologists but I’ve heard that they’re out there. I wish those people would take time to even skim Cosby’s statements that he made in that deposition. I’ve read it and it leaves no doubt as to his motives and Modus Operandi. It’s quite clear.
I have been talking to friends about the topic (not specifically Cosby) of people mistakenly thinking that because someone is excellent at what they do, that this somehow makes them excellent in their personal life. There are a lot of very talented and highly intelligent predators and just out and out jerks out there. I get weary of people thinking there is a correllation between high rate of success and good moral fiber. It’s just as wrong-headed as conflating wealth with high ethics and morals. Anyone looking at Donald Trump knows that someone can have a lot of wealth and still lack grace and intelligence and ethics and be utterly abusive as well.
That’s a really good point. I personally think Donald Trump is an incredible businessman and extremely charismatic while having several psychological issues.
Interesting article and comments. One thing I believe is missing is the principle that people are presumed innocent until proven guilty. I don’t have any thoughts on Cosby either way…but honestly can’t believe that not one of these 50 grown women have been able to bring a case against him and prove him guilty. This case is 12 years in the making…really??
Do you have a book suggestion for that? I don’t, I would look for one. I have no problem with that principle so I have no need to address it in this article, but if you do, absolutely share!
Very well put. Perhaps the most distressing aspect of all of this is the incredible coddling of a (presumed) serial rapist by family, friends, media, and blind supporters. Regrettably it is money (not justice or fame) that truly brought Cosby’s “chickens home to roost.”
I don’t know if he did what he is accused of or not. Thinking and believing is NOT knowing. But as a rape victim myself I find it appaling that neither filled a report and followed the case through..If one had come forward and even made a compalint it could of prevented it from happening to others…I was threatened, my mothers house was set on fire and still I saw my case through, testified and got those responsible off the streets. As a woman I wouldn’t want any other woman to suffer as I did and knew silence wouldn’t help…
I’m sorry to hear that happened to you, but every victim is different. I don’t think it’s my place to judge someone’s reaction to their own personal trauma.
Omg, this is dead on. Everything you stated is fact. It is sad that people want to act as if because time has gone by his actions should be excusable. He is just as guilty now as he was then. People have soo many reasons why they initially don’t speak up and this shouldn’t be held against them. Being a Rape Counselor, I speak to many that are just trying to make sense of it all. They all should have their day in court no matter how much time has lapsed.